17 Poems Not About a Lover · 2010s · Conversations with Gravel · Poetry

Oceans Once Receded

I was a desert woman
who learned to live on cactus boys
learned to run at night and sleep all day
knowing the burn of sky and sand

Then you came with your oceans
rivers, lakes, and waterfalls
I dove in, eyes closed
hoping you’d teach me to swim
hoping to learn your whale songs

I threw away my land shoes
swam under the stars
let my skin pucker in your waves
my desert plants were drowning
I let them bloat and drift away

Then your tsunami receded
first sudden, then steady and slow
I stood naked in your mud bed
for weeks with dripping hair,
dripping hands refused to dry

I learned to pray to wet earth
give thanks for saltwater baths
learned to hear your voice
in the night bird songs

Until even the mud left
took its soft clay from between my toes
the caked earth in my hair
began to dry and crumble
desert wind wiped all traces
of salt from my cheeks

I push myself back into desert shade
live in the evening light
I can never return to cactus fruit
when I’ve fed on fields of phytoplankton
I’ve lost the taste for prickly boys
so I may wither for a while

Until at the edge of some moment
in the pale space between sun and moon
I might hear the sound
of water rushing

First Published in Element(ary) My Dears.

2010s · Conversations with Gravel · How to Unexist · Poetry

What I Mean When I Say Run

Get out, get out
and into the world
a woman like me
would tie your hands with ropes
and hang them from her hips

Get out while you can
and let the wind carry you
a woman like me
would climb from under your boots
and into your pockets
lay you down heavy on her bed
just to rise above you

Get out and wander
be a wild bird
a woman like me
would clip your song feathers
and stuff them in her mouth
just to have your voice
seeping from her ears

Get out and make no promises
don’t even say you won’t
a woman like me
hangs on open window sills
burns her eyes on the driveway’s end
holds all your words
like collected seashells
in her cupped hands

Get out and go far
take no existing path
a woman like me
would strip you naked
press you inside of her
memorize the turn in your face
in the dim light
she’d reach in and pull
all the strength you have left

Get out
She’ll want to cut rings
from the center of your eyes
and string them like beads
around her neck

Get out
She’ll envy the breath in your lungs

Get out
She’ll put a straw to your mouth

Get out
She’ll want you empty

Get out
She’ll drain you cold as death
just so she can pour her blood
into your veins

First published in Indiana Voice Journal.

17 Poems Not About a Lover · 2010s · Poetry

What I Mean When I Say My House Is Now a Park

I stand on cinderblock walls barefoot
holding my hands out
over the edge.
He says he gave me his eyes
so I close them, walk brick to brick.
My heels, calloused, a line of infection
is growing. If it reaches my heart,
I will die at age seven.
I count to ten, then one hundred seventy.
South of me is demolition, a chain
of commune houses sunken into grass.
It is always so tall here.
The pain in my foot is muffled, a woman
held captive, screaming silent.
I toe-to-toe down the cinder line
towards our junkyard neighbor.
We built a fort into bamboo soldiers.
When we leave here, we will forget how
we need to burn everything still standing.
This place will not be for children, but
black tar parking lot.
That way, it won’t have to remember us.
Remember my seven-year-old hands digging
nails from my feet. A tree house
of death threats can die here or
lie buried under asphalt.

First published in In-Flight Literary Magazine.

2010s · Poetry

Paint

I am wet paint
shine on the edges
round with anticipation

I am smear
brush stroked
dragged up and across
the pores of daylight

I am gradient
my density spread
transient as lost family

I am blend
black father
blue mother
my purple sister
always yellow brother
red child unborn

I am gel thick
squeezed from tubes
swirled and diluted
still knowing my name

I am image
landscape and portrait
abstract or Dutch photographic

I am frame
wood carved and gilded
mat-less and bare skin
open to the elements
dust and finger oil
sunlight, loving sunlight
brings permanency

I am dab and dribble
splattered and flick
I am classic Nuevo
I am rainbow and cloud
I am brush desire

First published in In-Flight Literary Magazine.

2010s · Poetry · The Unnamed Algorithm

Yellow

I am seven
yellow-blonde girl
with missing teeth
wearing someone else’s clothes
I smile for the camera
I don’t remember
where I am
there are so many rooms
so many stops
I am never there long enough
to know if I will miss it

I keep following my mother
my brother, too, in the car
we drive for days and months
I forget the names
of all my teachers
just shadows of school yards
they say I need glasses
I have too many absences
I think this is normal
don’t all children hold secrets
like packs of gum
at the bottom of their pockets

I love my mother
I believe her implicitly
I walk in my sleep
in every different house
to find her
I am empty without her
so we keep our clothes in bags
and in the car
they are my sister’s clothes
or someone else who outgrew them

she cuts my hair short
to get rid of the lice
it’s up past my ears
I cry like a widow
yellow-blonde hair
corpses lying under my chair
I can go back to school now
the fourth one this year

twenty years later
I will return here
it will be so much smaller
the rooms will have moved
and ghosts of yellow-blonde hair
will wander in the shadows
of school yards

First Published in Elsewhere Lit.

2010s · Poetry · The Unnamed Algorithm

My Friends Who Write Poetry

Our words swing from threads
across our chest. They pull,
unraveling thin lines into
a soft jagged mess.
Some of you fight it,
snip those frays clean,
tuck in all the evidence.
Some dig fingers deep
wearing fringe coats
long into summer nights.
I know a poet when I see
your words dangling,
dragging, spilling like
sloppy rainbows
out from our pockets.

First published in Uno Kudo.

Events · Feature Readings

Recording from “Women in Poetry Night” at Hellada Gallery on March 2017

Back in March 2017, I was privileged to feature at an event at Hellada Gallery with other phenomenal women in my community to celebrate National Women’s History Month. It was hosted by Tiffany Dawn Hasse and included some of my favorite poets in the Long Beach community: Shy But Flyy,Elmast Kozloyan, Erin Foley, and Tina Lim. What’s even more incredible is that the owner of the gallery, Marek Dzida, recorded the entire event live on this really neat online TV platform called Periscope. If you have time, you can watch the entire event. If you only have a little time, my set begins at 2:01:00.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1RDGlRvpYvqxL

2017 · Publications

Snorted the Moon and Doused the Sun

 Three of my poems, “What To Do With Empty Hands”, “Your Dark Sunlight”, and “Somatic” are included in this gorgeous anthology, Snorted the Moon and Doused the Sun, on the topic of addiction. It includes work from many talented poets and is edited by Deanne Meeks Brown and Raundi Moore Kondo.

From the Amazon description, “Charles Bukowski once wrote, “Writing is the ultimate psychiatrist.”  Aristotle believed that writing poetry allowed people “to transform their problems into power and their sadness into strength.”  This is what we hope writing poems for this anthology did for the courageous individuals who submitted their work. Work that is raw, authentic, and deeply personal; giving voice not only to their pain, but delving into their dark side, or humorous side, or bright side, and presenting their beautiful imperfect selves to us all. Because only in this way—when we dare to share our most honest and vulnerable selves—can we transform our problems and find some semblance of self-love and acceptance.” Available for purchase through Amazon.

Events · Special Projects

Nomination for Best of the Net

I am deeply honored to be nominated by work to a calm for a Best of the Net award. They have chosen my poem “To the Men who told me my Love was not enough” along with four other poets from their web journal. The site specializes in confessional poetry. I’ve slowed my poetry activity quite a bit this year, so this news feels especially timely.

Events · Feature Readings

Women of Wonder at the Wine Bar

Very excited to join all these Women of Wonder on Wednesday, August 23rd, for a night of poetry, music, and art. Each of these women, Rachel Galindo, Tiffany Dawn Hasse, Shy But Flyy, Melissa Lussier, and Yeggi Kaela Watts, is a force in our Long Beach community! The wonder begins at 7 pm at 250 W. Ocean Blvd. in Long Beach. Check out the Facebook event page for more details!