Ramble

it didn’t come today

all my thoughts are disconnected

how loud my cat is purring

I didn’t sleep well

I had a crappy day

I miss all my friends

for a hundred different reasons

how unclear my future is

how teaching can be exhausting

I have too much love inside

but I won’t give it easy

there are too many tightropes

of going too far

of not going far enough

how I know what I need to do

but can’t for the life of me

be the one who does it

I’m always questioning

my honesty

when should I fight

when should I let it all go

I can’t stop biting my nails

I can’t find a home

in someone else’s heart

we are all compartmentalized

like a bento box

all on the same plate

but always on separate sides

I pulled all my anchors

or cut them or dragged them

either way I’m drifting

even though I own my house

and I have a steady job

I’m so damn independent

I want some more dependence

or a place to rest my head

and hear a heartbeat

that knows what I know

that will anchor me

and I can be home.

4-12-13

Originally published in Pyrokinection, 9-16-13