I can't keep
not sleeping at night
I can't keep
letting all those
open cupboard doors
pull my shoulder blades
I can't keep
hoping for that miracle
change black tea
into coffee and cream
I can't keep
recycling those words
said and unsaid
replies and responses
never meet resolution
I can't keep
my head full of bees
whispering why
it doesn't matter
it never matters
I can't keep
eating the edges of my cuticles
it won't grow flat
I can't keep
my ear to my gut
it's holding on to a secret
I'm listening
it's not telling
I can't keep
waiting by the phone
waiting for that email
to make it right
it will never be right
I can't keep
saying I don't mind
I get it-I understand
I don't
I can't keep
not surrendering to anything
since the switch flipped
it got broke
I can't switch it back
I can't keep
a single person as ideal
as I have loved them
stop idealizing
I can't keep
all the names off my lips
they push out daily
hourly I form them
my mouth aches
I can't keep
this pencil moving
its eraser is shrinking
there's more mistakes to make
I can't keep
presuming the road's closed
my feet are swelling
until it hurts to walk
but I walk anyway
I can't keep
listening to the air in my lungs
rub against my nostrils
I hear myself living
I need to be sleeping
4-16-13
First Published in Something’s Brewing, Kind of a Hurricane Press (April 2014)
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